1. Realize that their current crisis is probably not a crisis.  It could be seen coming a long time and they will be able to live through it. IF you do anything to try and help them, do it on your terms and timeframe and not theirs.

2. Remember that if you help them out this time, you will be expected to help them out again and again. The real issue is really their misbeliefs about life and the resulting poor choices they make, and they will continue to do so.

3. Do not accept false guilt from the dysfunctional person. The problem is not your fault and it is not your responsibility to fix their problem or rescue them.

4. Talk with and get support from others whom you believe are functional.. You need affirmation that you are thinking clearly and responding correctly to the situation. If not, you will start to second-guess yourself and may give in thinking “just this once won’t hurt.

All of this can sound rather hopeless — can’t people change? Yes, they can. But they have to decide what they want to change. And often, individuals with severely unhealthy patterns have to hit the bottom to see reality and that is their beliefs about life and their way of living doesn’t really work because they don’t match the way things really work in life. Continuing to “help them out” only prolongs their dysfunctional patterns because they are not experiencing the true (and usually hard) consequences of their approach to life. So the best way to help them is to not “help” them.